Shark Bait

All right, my friends. Things may not always be perfect on the island. I’m pretty tired. It is hard trying to be vegan- this is another story entirely. I have insomnia (40 maybe isn’t 29, I guess I will have to start acting my age). Just because a person begins a journey of “betterment” (whatever) doesn’t mean everything is Pinterest-perfect or an Instagram-snapshot-y moment. Old demons beckon and make you remember why you had to come to the island in the first place. To a place where you could breathe and shake the tangled roots and dirt from your hair. Now don’t get worried, I’m not going to go too Zen on you, I still know how to keep it so very real. Remember it’s me- the girl who curses and eats dinner crumbs off the floor (if it’s only been ten minutes, come on, it’s fine) and the girl who (not kidding, just this morning) stands in the driveway yelling terrible things as she hoses out a trash can full of maggots. I may or may not have flipped off a palmetto bug, too. Good Morning, Little Island! I love you! Sigh.

I had to take one of mine to the doctor today. The doctor is an island local and has stories. So many friendly, story-telling people around us, and I treasure each and every word. I’m lying. Sometimes I just want to scream and race my giant, gas-guzzling SUV down the 12-mile-stretch of this island while shouting “Get the F out of my way, I actually have to DO THINGS today!” Then I check myself, relax my ass and smile and listen because listening must never be a lost art. And, hey there now, I learned something brilliant.

Hilton Head Island is teeming with wildlife- land and sea creatures abound. So much of the island has been preserved in order to protect habitats of sea turtles, pelicans, bottle-nosed dolphins…the list goes on. The doctor explained we have large numbers of sharks in the local waters – in crazy amounts, actually. Shit. Kids, RUN, back to the house, we are never returning to that horrible beach, it’s stupid and boring and who needs it and look I put sand by the pool, that’s the same right? BUT, he told us, you rarely hear of shark attacks or shark bites here- they have everything they need to eat out in these salty waters, so a human for lunch is very much off their radar. Phew.

So, the sharks are out there. Sliding their sharp and crafty bodies through the ocean, glazing the sediment with their fins. Just like the negative thoughts on my mind, or the next terrible story on the news, or the bad day when everyone is hurting my feelings or the judge-y people or the self-judgement (which is so much worse) or the slimy taste of resentment that creeps into my mouth when I am on day 5 of my husband being in another state for work and I have to read 3 more bedtime stories while my body aches for one moment alone. Oh. Hi sharks, I feel your presence.

So shore-up the walls of your soul. Batten down the hatches, matey. All hands on deck! Keep breathing. The sharks are out there- they are very much a part of this life we get to live. But these guys have plenty to eat, they don’t need you or really even want you. Thank you, Little Island, for teaching me I’m not shark bait.

Sail on, sailors.