I woke up today to one of those “hey, Cecily, here’s a memory for you” on Facebook. I’m trying to get off Facebook, it really brings out the worst in me, it makes me tired and bored and jealous and self-doubtful, but man, I love the memes and the Tasty videos and the pictures of people’s amazing kids and cute pets…….so I’m not off Facebook.
The memory was from the time my family moved-to-Argentina-just-kidding-no-we-didn’t-we-are-still-here-shell-shocked-reinventing-normal-all-the-while-laughing-it-off-like a half-drunk woman at an “important” luncheon, smoothing her skirt and touching up her lipstick acting so very (not) drunk. Yes, that was me (the half-drunk one), that was my family, one year ago. “Life throws you curveballs!” “There’s a reason you are still here!” (That one makes my eyes roll so hard my skull splits.) “God has a plan for you.” “I love your attitude”…….smooth skirt, reapply lipstick…..keep charging forth. Those were the words of people who love us- all meant with great intentions, all falling on sad, deaf ears as we jumped from rental property to rental property, homeschooling our four kids, Jay and I glowering at each other from across the room too angry and frustrated to hold conversation let alone to truly look in each other’s eyes. This was not the very worst thing that could happen to a family…..oh my no…..most definitely not. In the past year we have been witness to close friends losing a child under the most horrific circumstances, to close friends saving their child from the most horrific circumstances, to spouses dying, jobs lost, heartache upon heartache. We were like a county fair cake walk compared to any of this pain……….but…….smooth skirt, reapply lipstick.
I spent the last year of my life trying to put together a puzzle that, while I wasn’t looking (I was probably doing laundry), had been mixed together. Someone took the princess puzzle and the Spongebob puzzle- each 3 million tiny pieces and threw away half of each and mixed together the rest. Oh. That is why I have a headache, blurry eyes and a certain lack of positivity. After we reclaimed parts of our SoCal life, put half of the puzzle together and actually for some crazy reason started to like homeschooling and the freedom it gave our family, we moved. Again. For real. Not for “fakes”. Smooth skirt…..reapply lipstick.
Because we moved to Georgia……not exotic, not even really exciting………hot, humid, strangely eery, closed-off, middle-of-nowhere, Georgia. I took off the skirt, smeared the lipstick across my face, put on my running shoes and closed my eyes.
Hair wild, kids in tow and now well, I’m running with my eyes closed.
Love it!! Keeping running, dear. You all are never far from my thoughts.?
Thank you, Liz! xoxoxo
This is good writing…i will be looking forward to more. I also appreciate your transparency. Getting my running shoes on…
Thank you for getting those shoes on. You are awesome. xoxoxo
Oh my dear Cecily!!! You are incredibly talented and true with your words – and the most talented of writers indeed. I cannot wait to read more. Thank you for starting this. Every Mom needs to know she is not the only Mom running with her eyes closed xoxoxo
Thank you so much for Your words. love you xoxo
Aah cecily!! I want to read more!!!! Keep sharing……you have a gift. Love you cousin….you have always been a peach so not surprised you moved to Georgia. ; )
Thank you, my sweets! So thrilled to reconnect with you- I have missed you!!!! xoxo
I love you and miss you and the family my friend. You are a warrior mama in deed. Inspiring.
You know what’s funny about our comment? I find you to be the the inspiring warrior mama. Miss you and love you. xoxo
Well written And well felt (by us) and writing your inner feelings allows us to feel our inner thoughts and that’s a beautiful thing Ms Cecily.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Thank you so much- what you said means so much. I’m still writing- more is coming soon!!! xoxox
I love people who aren’t afraid to be “real” ! Cecily, I have always admired you and know that I know you have this amazing talent for writing I am even more in awe!
Oh, D’Andre, you are so wonderful. Thank you, thank you, thank you says this girl who admires you. xoxoxoxo
Love it raw and ready Cecily. Running is such a resonant metaphor and my current best anti-anxiety treatment, eyes open or closed. Friggin helluvayear. Here’s to skull splitting eye rolls! Thank you for sharing this. Made my day. Love ya
Oh my dearest, you have been running with your eyes closed for a very long time- I’m just trying to catchup. Love you xoxoxoxo
I love every part of this. Sometimes I find the only refuge I have from drowning in the messes of my own profoundly imperfect life is to remember that the fictitious lives of perfection I project onto others are just that…fiction. Sharing the realities of struggle, of failure, of things just not working the way you wanted in spite of good intentions and better-than-average karma – this makes the world a more compassionate place. I look around sometimes, especially in particular recurring situations, and I don’t recognize my life as anything I ever wanted for myself. Other times I realize that I am, indeed, so ridiculously blessed that I feel ashamed to have so many of the marbles. What I have most definitely learned, though, is that the worst of our internal battles are waged in isolation. When you write the way you have here, it takes away shame’s most potent weapon. I will be amongst your loyal readers, ma’am.
Shame. oooph…that’s a biggie. Somehow I knew you would run with me. Thank you for sharing your heart- why I’ve always loved you. xoxoxo
Cecily, I always loved running into you around town to catch up and laugh a little on how crazy our lives are, compare stories on kids and life in general…you are a beautiful, special woman with an apparent new talent we are seeing!! I so loved reading this & look forward to more!! I am all about being real! Thank you for sharing XO
I don’t know anymore about talent but I know it’s real. Thank YOU for reading, my friend. xoxoxoxo
Oh my dear Cecily, how we miss all of you! I love that you are sharing the trials and tribulations of your craziness…you are a truly talented writer and you make me laugh! Hang in there my dear and make sure you come back and visit. And good luck with the snakes…ew, just ew!
Thank you, Renee, for reading and running with me:). hahahaha- the snakes! I….cant’…even…. But I am so happy I made you laugh- that makes me happy. xoxoxo
Betty from Mad Men..so glad I got it.. xoxo
Hahahahaha xoxoxo
I”m so happy that I actually bothered to open up one of your blogs and start reading! Honest, from the heart writing done with humor, panache and great style. Love it and love and miss you guys Xxx
Well, my love, I am SO happy you bothered to open it up to! I think a writer’s greatest fear is that no one will ever open it up!!! THANK YOU for reading and running with me. Love and miss you, too, friend! xoxoxoxo
Thank you for sharing! Miss you!
Thank you for reading, Rachelle!!! xoxoxo