Dream A Little Dream

I had one of those nights of sleep. Chunky, interrupted and infuriating. The kind where even my trusty Melatonin failed me. I did all of the things- the hot bath, no wine, quiet, focused meditation. The kind of sleep broken up by dreams of being caught doing something naughty by my therapist and then getting sent to her office. Skull-cracking eye roll. We won’t even attempt to unpack that one. I put myself horizontal at 9pm, so I would have at least 8 hours in that position. And then, so many achey tosses and turns and finally, full-on desperate begging of the Universe to get me back to sleep:

“PLEEEEEEAAAASSSSSEEEE- I promised myself 8 hours. I wrote it down on my goals list on my phone. Look! It’s right here. No, I suppose it is not your fault, but I’m quite certain you could do something about the snores coming from the man next to me, right? No? I know violence is not the answer. Ok then let’s make a deal. You get me to sleep, and I will have SO much patience with my children tomorrow. I will get Zoey off to camp and I will get that nail out of my tire before the little “flat tire light” goes on and I will totally visit all three schools and get the registration paperwork filled out and yes, I know the dog needs a groom, I could squeeze that in by 3:00 and what? No, I haven’t forgotten the kids need new lunchboxes, and we still don’t have car insurance and yes, I remembered we have guests coming to town Wednesday, thank you very much and STOP SNORING! Oh yes, patience….phewwwwwww. I didn’t start the dishwasher, yes I did, ok moving on. YES, I meditated, well, kind of, because I actually googled meditation because I wasn’t sure I was doing it right which might have defeated the purpose and there was a picture of a monk but I closed my eyes and sat quietly which is a HUGE step for me. Dinner? Ummmmmm……..yes I went to Whole Foods but that doesn’t mean I actually bought ingredients for Monday dinner, but I bet I have enough lentils to make a soup and why must I be the one thinking about the next night’s dinner at 3AM? And, sweet Jesus, the snoring, please, please, please. How about if I promise enrichment activities instead of X-box tomorrow- we could review our Spanish and I could have them review math problems from homeschool? Did my Mom ever do that? School stuff in the summer? Definitely not. Why do I have to do that to get to sleep? That seems a bit of a stretch, but yet I’m so worried about technology and our kids and their beautiful baby brains dying because of Fortnite while I sit upstairs pretending to “work” because I don’t actually have a job here. But leaving the house with 4 kids is HARD and nobody can ever find Piper’s hairbrush and honestly, have you seen that hair? She looks mostly like a feral cat who has been living under an abandoned car for 6 years. But I WANT her to be her own woman. Oh no. Oh no. How do we all get out the door for school- oh no, where ARE all of the schools? Help. Glug, glug, glug. Should I start doing one-on-one activities with my teenagers? I mean I DO do that, sometimes, but I know they need more of that and do they have any idea how much I love them? I’m not crying, you’re crying and he’s about to be crying if we don’t find a solution to this snoring problem.”

And the alarm goes. And I slog my way downstairs to find coffee. And a laptop. And sunshine. And my favorite mug.

Until next time….rest well, my loves. xoxoxoxoxoxo